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Posted by Richard the Gay Guy from survivor:
I'll let Ryan and Noises Noises People Make Noises!! go camping with me! Only as long as they sleep on their stomachs ! 


Posted by Noises Noises People Make Noises!!:
nooo, but I do like squirrels in my ass,b(i)tch!


Posted by Killers:
Whhhaaaa hah hah hah thats good. Noises people making noises your doing just what your post name means... blowing wind. Whats a matter, Ryan anal rape you and your made at the world now? I bet your a Fred Durst fan huh? I bet you'd even go down on him wouldnt you you lame ass. Your not a Slipknot fan, you just jump on anything thats trendy, and since its trendy to bash Ryan, then why dont you go jump on him? Oh wait... you cant your the same person. Well in the case I guess you can really Fuk yourself then huh ? 


Posted by Gonzo:
or should I say Noisy Ryan the fukken 2 yr old 


Posted by Gonzo :
Sorry Noises I've been busy washing your moms anal juice off my dick


Posted by Killers:
I find it kinda funny that Ryan and Noises Noises People Make Noises!! type the same as well as hyphenate the same also leaving one to believe they are the same dickbag. They use the word bitch like this b(i)tch and Fag like f(a)g. Get real Ryan you have no friends. 


Posted by Paranoia:
You know, it would be really nice if more than 2 people who posted on here actually could say something that's halfway intelligent. It's nice that Noises hates Ryan, too, but look at the way he f*cking b*tches. Just like someone else I know! And just because People=Sh*t is the only person on here who's worth defending (as he doesn't go around using racial slurs and homophobic numbass bullsh*t in his posts...hmmm, maybe you guys should f*cking grow up if you want people to take you seriously) doesn't mean this, as you put it, is a "love connection." And why the f*ck are you telling us we can't handle Slipknot? Because we don't share exactly the same f*ck-'em-all-everyone-sucks-because-my-music-told-me-that bullsh*t as you? Does that make us idiots or something just because we don't agree?? It seems like everyone here (with some very rare exceptions) thinks so. Dudes, come up with something NEW to say before you just recycle some old comment and once again make a complete idiot of yourselves!! I'm sorry if you're too f*cking dumb to understand this post. If you don't, read it again, or try graduating from junior high.


Posted by People=Sh*t:
Noises Noises Noises is a dumba$$. You moron, I'm a fan of Slipknot. And this isn't their site, it's an article and fan speak about Slipknot. That sliding thing sounds like fun, but I have a better idea. How about I slit your throat and f#ck the wound.


Posted by Noises Noises People Make Noises!!:
To every non-believer in here. I hate you. Gonzo,Ryan and that j(e)wish M(o)ther f(u)cker from Brazil. Wheres H(i)tler when we need him? I hate you too People=S(h)it; this sight isnt supposed to be a love connection for you and that other B(i)tch. I want to see all of you slide down a giant razorblade into a pile of salt(using your d!cks for brakes). I know why you blame yourselfs, if you cant handle the swings of Slipknot, stay out of their sites. Where the f(u)ck has my little b(i)tch GONZO been. Tuggin wool with all you other maggots! The SS needs to purge every one of you dirty blooded b(a)stards. F(u)ck me, Im all out of enemies.


Posted by People=Sh*t:
You're right Paranoia, Pertti is definetly related to Ryan.


Posted by Pertti:
I was just f*cking with you ,coc*suckers..


Posted by Eddie:
that band rulz is a great band theyare cool 


Posted by People=Sh*t:
Gay, queer, fag, up the a$$. Is that all you ever have to say you vocabulary challenged dumba$$?


Posted by Paranoia:
Hahaha...


Posted by s....:
etso no tengu ni idea de q va! pero buenu vamos a lo que vamos! slipknot es el mejor, los mierda de guyrpos como limkin park i asi dan pena! quieren ser lideres i dan pena! su disko son comerciales no lo llevan en la sangre! solo es esto adew


Posted by Paranoia:
Nokia? Isn't that like a cell phone or something? Wow. Now THAT is something to be proud of. On a related level of excitement, I have DUST under my BED! Now, doesn't that make me special? And no, we aren't stupid, we're just f*cking with your head, which seems relatively easy. And Ryan, if you don't leave People=Sh*t the f*ck out of your numbass sh*teating posts, I am seriously going to put some real effort into finding you and killing you. Ha ha ha ha. And now, for the benefit of just doing this, I'm going to say that I was kidding about the Ryan thing. Now. Let's see what he says to me.


Posted by Ryan:
People=Sh*t fukk you *hope you die* 


Posted by Ryan:
People=Sh*t FUKK YOU, YOU DUMB MOTHERFUKKER! I WILL DESTROY YOU! U FA(G)A$$ BI(T)CH! FUKK U! FUKK YOUR WORLD! FUKK EVERYTHING THAT YOU STAND FOR! YOU WONT BE EXIST FOR LONG! 


Posted by Ryan:
people=sh*t Who the fukk do you think you are I will come over and stick my shoe up your a$$ If I find out who you are I will get my friends and kick you a$$ all the way back to hell!! You are a fukking a$$hole who is a fuking bi(t)ch who gets it up the a$$!!!! 


Posted by Ryan:
People=Sh*t man your fukkin gay why in the fukkin hell would you waist all your computer geek time on a post against me u queer why not go out a make a site of bands you like you know like the backstreet boys and nsync you know all your fa(g) bands. 


Posted by People=Sh*t:
Wow, that was easier than Ryan.


Posted by Pertti:
oops...I made a mistake..I ment "if we would meet"-and"gollege boy" now you understand..And the gollege thing you might stick deep up in to your ass!


Posted by Pertti:
I knew you must be pretty stupid..Does the brand Nokia ring the bells?that's from finland..and I bet I would put you in the ground if would meet...you f*cking stupid jenk! 


Posted by Brian:
Sry but ryan doesnt know how to act in front of earthlings. I will assure u he will be taken to lord Anodroidmatron and punished rightfully. That is all.


Posted by Blah :
Ha Ha! Thats a good one u really got me there!


Posted by RYAN:
RIDDLE ME THIS RIDDLE ME THAT WHOS AFRAID OF CRAZY A$$? IT SEEMS ALL OF YOU ARE YALL R JUST CALLING ME A POSER CAUSE YALL R SCARED.


Posted by BrazilianSlipknotFan:
all i know is slipknot fukkin rlz brazil too and ryan is a son of a bitx


Posted by People=Sh*t:
Hmmm let's see, Finland, Finland, Finland, NOPE don't give a sh*t about Finland. Next please.


Posted by Paranoia:
Finland? Isn't that in Canada? Man, I really am a stupid American. LOL


Posted by Pertti:
Just kidding...I don't know you and I don't give a f*ck about you!We are not gonna see face to face coz I'm from Finland..If you even know where it is?


Posted by Paranoia:
Actually, pertti happens to be Ryan's sister and wife these many years. Hell, maybe she's his mom and grandmother and daughter, too! You never know with how inbreeding gets these days. You tell 'em, man, don't let anyone try to tell you're not crazy. I'm crazier than a necrophiliac on death row, OK? And I'm proud of that. You should be proud of your insanity, too. So say it loud and proud: "I'm crazy and I'm happy for it!" And don't let anyone try to persuade you otherwise over the Internet. That is all.


Posted by People=Sh*t:
Obviously pertti you don't know me at all, I'm 20 not a teenager. I go to college full time, work part time during the school year and full time during summer. Total failure, ha ha that's funny. Wow you sure do know me. If you ever met me in person, you would know why I'm crazy, but fortunately for you and me, you will never meet me face to face. You probably don't know what crazy really is. You probably think that a crazy person is someone who bounces of walls and talks to themself all the time and are locked in a padded wall white room. That is a mentally embalanced person not a crazy person. Why don't you, the actuall teenage, high school drop-out, total failure get your facts straight before you try to bash someone again. Or at least try picking on someone with the same mental capabilities as you, that is if you can find someone that low. O one last thing, use your real post name RYAN, we all know it's you.


Posted by pertti:
people=sh*t!You aren't crazy,no way..I know you..you are just a loser you know?teenage prick who is trying to be a tough guy,but in the end is a total failure!


Posted by Paranoia:
Yeah, you KNOW I was being sarcastic...LOL


Posted by People=Sh*t:
Ryan with homophobic dumbass comments, naaaaa. Your sh*tting me.


Posted by Paranoia:
Here you go with the homophobic dumbass comments again...


Posted by Ryan:
NO IM ON MARS WHERE I RIGHTFULLY BELONG AWAY FROM U FAGG0TS. 


Posted by slipknot(1):
i want slipknot in montreal because they rulz


Posted by Paranoia:
Hey...everyone...notice that Ryan hasn't posted yet today? You think maybe he's coming up with another joyful "I like to think I'm a crazy psychopathic killer" song for us to use for Sing-A-Long? What do YOU think?


Posted by Killers:
I wipe my Ryan everytime I take a dump 


Posted by People=Sh*t:
I know of many words for people like Ryan, but as far as one's that can be used on this website how about IMBECILE. (a retarded person mentally equal to a child of 3-8 years old.) There you go Ryan, now you don't have to look it up.


Posted by Paranoia:
We have a word for people like Ryan where I come from, too, and I can't use it on this website.


Posted by Dr Fever:
we have a word for people like RYAN where I come from, and that word is POSEUR!


Posted by austin:
What a joke.


Posted by SOD:
Speak english or die!


Posted by El culero:
por la puta madre si que ya somos famosos asi que solo armagedon nos detiene todos nos iremos a la concha de su mare y nos rajaremos por este grupo


Posted by Eddie:
Hey Slipknot, I really like your music and what your about. I Cant wait till I get to go to one of your guys Concerts. 


Posted by People=Sh*t:
Ryan, first of all everybody on here sounds like they are somewhat similar to me except you. I'm glad for that. And as far as acting like everyone else, I'm glad I don't. And there's a reason for that, it's called individualality. Self-consciousness, one's own thoughts. Obviously you don't contain any of those qualities. And as for the rest of your statement, the devil created me and I don't have a soul, not for the past two years anyway. And at least I'm a part of the human race. Why don't you go back to the planet you came from.


Posted by Ryan :
People=Sh*t I am so sick of your sh*t. Is it that impossible for you to act like the rest of the human race or do you just get off on being a nasty b*tch? Fukk you, fukk you're parents for creating you, and fukk the devil who put your soul in your body 


Posted by Dr Fever:
I have decided from reading some of these posts that Ryan is, in fact, not the troubled little youth he potrays on here. He, in fact, says these things to make himself LOOK all scary and crazy. Ryan, you're not crazy..in fact, you're a disgrace to those of us that are at least borderline crazy. So, why don't you get off your 15 year old ass and find something better to do with your time..or at least find a more constructive trend to follow.


Posted by Brian:
Yes thats right ryan. I am your long lost twin from mars. Ive attained access to the earthling device to tell you you must come back home within 11 days in earth time calculations. If you dont i will terminate planet earth.


Posted by Paranoia:
Ryan, you call yourself a fan... Well, you may look into trying to understand the concept of Slipknot's music before you go out and say that they taught you how to hate the world. Apathy gets you nowhere, man. Take it from me, I've had personal experience. 


Posted by orgazman:
Nice to meet u mr Lovitz


Posted by Killers:
heh heh matter of fact.. I am Jon Lovitz.. thats the ticket. yeah.. I dig his humor


Posted by People=Sh*t:
Hey Killers, a fan of Jon Lovitz by any chance?


Posted by Killers:
oh and we've never been to the moon cause we didnt have that knowledge back then to do it, so we faked it... yeah thats the ticket. I know cause I work at Nasa.. matter of fact.. not only do I work there..but I'm the president... yeah thats it thats the ticket 


Posted by Killers:
more like dony fuk with a moron 


Posted by People=Sh*t:
Ryan, I don't know why you keep insisting that you are a Slipknot fan when all of us know that you aren't. And you aren't crazy, you're just stupid and lost. I on the other hand am a Slipknot fan and I am also crazy, not because I say that I am, but because everyone that really knows me tells me that, sincerely too. It just doesn't show in my posts because I actually have the capability of thought unlike you. And how about the planet being destroyed by the SUN in a couple of billion years. O wait minute, I forgot you haven't learned that yet because you're still in third grade. O well. ha ha ha


Posted by Killers:
and all this coming from a college person. uhhh huhh sure. Ryan you remind me of Jerry from the movie conspiracy theory.


Posted by Ryan :
DONT FUKK WITH A CRAZY SLIPKNOT FAN


Posted by Ryan:
slipknot speaks the truth and you ungratfull bastards can't accept the truth so you refuse to believe making you scared, frightened, and weak of course im a loser, a$$hole, fukking bastard, hell I hate myself and every other human on the face of this weak planet so i've learned from slipknot that when I feel like dying I pull my head up high and say out loud FUKK YOU ALL people think its insane, well to humans like that it would be so go ahead say what you will about me you're only prooving you're weak and it doesn't matter to me cause soon this whole planet will be nothing, it will be destroyed by god, satan, aliens, or even by humans themselves out of world war 3.the end is coming and all of you can deny it ,all you want but that wont be helping now will it now after all this human sh*t I dare anyone to argue to this. 


Posted by orgazman:
Hello pl I see Ryans bin getting someone,to do his postings for him he seems to want emulate big bad slim shady, slipknot fan my a*ss. Go on ryan say somthing gay scary about me I no u wanna or maybe get your fag friend to do it for u all my love the Gazman 


Posted by People=Sh*t:
Edit, Copy, Paste. Ryan, the technologically advanced. But the intellectually challenged. ha ha ha.


Posted by Ryan :
People=Sh*t I'd drug slightly, chain you to a chair and force you to watch non-stop n’sync videos, I'd shave your head and force you to look at yourself, then I'd keep you alive for as long as possible while starving you and I'd slowly make small cuts all over you with a dull knife. 


Posted by Noises Noises People Make Noises:
I f(u)ckin hate this stupid a(s)s website. Everybody at Rocknworld need to die! F(u)ck your anti-tainment Bulls(h)it!!


Posted by Paranoia:
Ha, ha...it's good to know I have someone at my back...but I was joking. I don't worry about him, I just think he needs to get some help before his fantasy becomes his reality.


Posted by People=Sh*t:
Hey Paranoia, like I said in an earlier post, Ryan is using this site as a fantasy of his/hers, I'm still not sure which one. Maybe we should just use IT. And don't worry about that wuss, I would waste IT's a$$ if IT layed IT's hands on you. But IT would have to find you first, and I doubt that will happen. But just in case, I'm there for ya if you ever need me.LOL


Posted by Paranoia:
Oh, sh*t, man, just what I was fearing the most. Ryan figured out I was a girl, and now he wants to rape me! Go ahead and fantasize, man, I won't f*cking stop you. As for your "people=sh*t is a fag" comment...seriously, man, why do you keep coming out with this sh*t? Does it make someone a fag if they don't agree with your shallow, half-assed narrow-minded viewpoint? I'm sorry, but if you honestly think that, I say you need special education in addition to mental counciling. You must have absolutely nothing to do with your life to actually come on a message board and say this kind of sh*t. I'm not going to speak violently towards you, if you want to do that, you can just keep doing it and have a one-sided argument. Fine. Whatever. That's not my problem. If it entertains you in some sick, twisted way, then go right the f*ck ahead. But in the meantime, please keep your homophobic (if you don't know what it means, look it up in the dictionary) and bigoted a$$hole comments to yourself. Got it? Good. Peace.


Posted by BK,the Teen Hearthrob:
That's true,Stuck.They do say that.However,they also use the sleeping pills elsewhere on the album.Thanks,though.


Posted by STUCK:
YO BK ITS ILL SEW YOUR A**HOLE SHUT AND KEEP FEEDIN YOU AND FEEDING YOU. HOPE I COULD HELP. PAIN FOR PLEASURE. LIFE AND DEATH. TRULEY THE YING FOR THE YANG 


Posted by STUCK:
YO BK ITS ILL SEW YOUR A**HOLE SHUT AND KEEP FEEDIN YOU AND FEEDING YOU. HOPE I COULD HELP. PAIN FOR PLEASURE. LIFE AND DEATH. TRULEY THE YING FOR THE YANG 


Posted by STUCK:
ONE STEP I REMAIN OUTSIDE THE LINES OF WHAT MY MIND AND THOUGHTS COMBIBE. NEVER WILL I TRUST YOU. LOST FOREVER EVER PAIN DELIVER. CANT TRY ERASE THE PAST AND EVERYTHING THE MEMORIES WILL LAST. NOT FOR LONG NO NOT FOR LONG. SO I GET IT AND SOONER GONE. BULLSH*T I GAVE AWAY WAIT TAKE MY LIFE TO GAIN.. DEAD. GONE. NO PEACE. NO PEACE NO PEACE. DEAD AND GONE.


Posted by BK,the Teen Hearthrob:
Hey jerkoff(that's you Ryan),to quote the Wu-Tang Clan(That's Wu-Tang Clan,not that retarded Ku-Klux Klan you belong to),I'll sew your eyelids open and keep feeding you sleeping pills.Grow up and get a life,loser.


Posted by Killers:
and another thing Ryan, we unlike your 3rd grade post, only need to say it in a one word sentence... your a DICK. I dunno I find it really funny the fact that RYAN who tries to protray himself as straight, sure knows an awful lot about the "GAY LIFESTYLE" when he posts back at people. He talks about ass cramming, and dicks, and fags and such. RYAN you sure know the whole lifestyle. Why are you so rich in the knowledge of the homosexual lifestyle RYAN. Are you still in denial and reaching out for help? You really do have issues. 


Posted by People=Sh*t:
Hey Ryan=sh*t, I hope you were just referring to me and not saying that you were me. Because that post by Ryan=sh*t was not me. Ryan: after all this time you still can't come up with some new material. Why don't you go to school and once you pass 3rd grade, that is if you ever do, then come back and post something other than calling everyone a fag. Because that remark is getting older than your mama's panties that you're wearing right now.


Posted by Ryan :


Posted by STUCK :
I GUESS TODAY LIKE ANY OTHER DAY I SIT BACK AND SLOWLY FALL INTO MY OWN WORLD. IN THIS TIME I COME TO REALIZATIONS OF THE COMPLETE BLANKNESS OF WHAT IS TRAGICALLY REFERED TO AS LIFE AND WONDER WHAT IT HAS TO OFFER TO US..? THE CHANGES THAT SHOULD BE MADE AND THE PROMISES WHICH ARE ALWAYS BROKE. ONE MORE CHANCE TO IMPROVE THAT IS ONLY REPLACED WITH THE REALILTY THAT OUR CONDITIONS WILL WEAKEN. FEAR OF LIFE AND DEATH IS TO ONLY LEAVE ME STUCK IN BETWEEN GIVING ME LESS IN DEATH THEN WHAT I HAD IN LIFE. STRENGHT FOR ME AND I PRAY IN THE PURIST FORM CAN ERASE ALL THAT HAS PASSED ME BY. SO WHEN I SIT HERE THINKING OF LIFE AND THE CHANGES THAT NEED TO BE MADE I WILL ONLY ASK MY SELF WHY?


Posted by Ryan=sh*t :
Ryan Killing you would be more fun, I think. 


Posted by Ryan=sh*t :
Hey, uh... Ryan I mean 12-year-old-trashy-nothing-to-back-up-his-sh*t-talk-fukkup. Yeah, uh... this is People=Sh*t The one who originally referred to your blatant stupidity. Yeah, do me a favor and bring it on I WONT LET YOU WIN 


Posted by Ryan :
People=Sh*t Oooh.. Well I wouldn't wanna kill you cause I'm finding myself in love with you *he he* but.. If you really want me too.. I would.. Tie you down.. Oh wait no that's how I would pleasure you... Naw I'd tie you down and get a chalkboard and make you listen to me scratch my nails down it (of course I'd be wearing ear plugs) then I'd hold your eyes open with those laundry clothes pins and make you watch as I chopped you into pieces and tore out your organs one by one! 


Posted by Ryan :
People=Sh*t thinks he can shove a 12 gauge shotgun down a hole that is about 1 inch wide? i guess you could with your a$$hole seeing that it has had enough loosening up with all the dikks you get up it! get the facts straight cu(n)t you are what most people refere to as a fa(g)ot! 


Posted by Ryan the Loser:
would you could you in a box? I would not could not in a box, I would not could not Sam I am. Ryan your funny, keep em coming cause we havnt had a laugh like this in years. Your friend- Killers 


Posted by Gonzo:
ooooo noises noises people make noises took you about a month to finaly come back and post something that weak? I dont even know why I bothered to waste typing back to your lame drival. Your as bad as Ryan 


Posted by noises noises people make noises:
Ryan- why spend 2 hours of your wasted youth thinking of funny little quips to type when you can just make them short and sweet. Ryan- your a f(u)ckin idiot!


Posted by Noises Noises People make Noises:
Gonzo- first off, I dont want to drive out to the ghetto and visit your sorry ass. Secondly, you spend way to much time in here as a Ja Rule fan. Personally I could care less if your 4 years older than me, everyone knows that rap fans are all F(a)ggot p(u)ssies that would tuck their tail and run from a fight. Ive learned a lot from chatting with you Gonzo, I now know that I cant reason with a retard; and that no matter how hard you may type, your still a panty waist named Gonzo.


Posted by People=Sh*t:
Does anybody else think that we got under his skin yet? Ryan, you are one funny guy/girl/thing. ha ha ha!


Posted by Ryan:
People=Sh*t Life Got You Down?If you've been a little depressed lately and have contemplated partaking in the bliss of death, here are a couple of cool ways to kill yourself. Even if you don't use these exclusive royalty-free methods, remember to do it as creatively as possible. Don't be boring and just take sleeping pills --- go out with style and flare.All these methods require some planning but don't let that dissuade you. Your life must be pretty pathetic if you're killing yourself. Why not leave a legacy? JumpingHere are a couple of great ways to kill your self by jumping off a tall building or cliff or basically anything really high. The thing about these is that they generally work best if you can get a big crowd watching before you jump. Don't do it when there is no one around. There's just no bloody point in that.Explosives Strapped to Your BodyDifficulty level: 71. Get a LOT of explosives. The more the better. 2. Hook up a detonator to an altimeter. Set it for 100-200 feet. That will give you good dispersion. 3. Mix Vaseline and gasoline in a bucket. 4. Find a really tall building. Something like the World Trade Center is perfect and is in a sufficiently crowded area to generate the proper sized crowd. 5. Get an extra large trench coat, ski mask, duct tape and a lighter. 6. Bring your materials to the top of your building. Liberally apply the Vaseline-gasoline mixture to your entire body. Duct tape the explosives around your legs, arms, head and torso. The more you use the better. You cannot overdo this. Attach the altimeter to the explosives. 7. Put on the trench coat and mask so that the explosives are not visible. 8. Start ranting and throwing things so that you are sure to attract notice. Drag this part out as long as possible. Say anything that comes to mind but try to stay away from real problems. Your love life DOES NOT make for a good sound bite. Ask for news cameras from the major networks. Pace around a lot while waving your arms. 9. DO NOT let on that you have explosives on your body. The police will clear the area and you definitely don't want that. 10. When you've gotten the crowd to a fevered pitch, when the helicopters are hovering like vultures, whip off the jacket and set yourself on fire. 11. Wait until you are completely engulfed in flame then jump. 12. Try to steer yourself towards the crowd. That way flaming falling body parts will pelt the fleeing onlookers when you explode. 13. Congratulations! You've just made history. Falling through Chain SawsDifficulty level: 10This is much more difficult to pull off. Instead of explosives, the money shot is you falling though three or four operating chain saws. You do not need as high a building for this --- anything above three stories will do. Remember to use the Vaseline-gasoline mixture. That's the ingredient that adds pizzazz.Bullet in Your HeadDifficulty level: 1HAMMER a bullet into your skull. Make sure there is an empty gun nearby but do not fire it. Bash the bullet into your frontal lobe. It doesn't matter how you get it done it will perplex the authorities for years and you will, most assuredly, be a hot news topic. Hell, you want fame in death to rival the obscurity you had in life don't you?Death by HairballDifficulty level: 3Get a cat or a dog and brush it every day. Save the hair until you have a giant hairball. Plug up your nose then shove the hairball into your mouth.Leave a cryptic note about how you believe little Fluffy or Rover was planning to kill you in your sleep.Meat GrinderDifficulty level: 11Find a sausage making company that has a giant meat grinder. Set up a hidden video camera to tape your death. Leave a will with explicit instructions that it not be read until one year after the night of your grinding. In it, detail the way you died and the location of the hidden camera.Sneak in at night naked and turn on the video camera. Climb into the grinder and take massive amounts of pills of your choice. Make sure it is enough to kill you.In the morning you will be ground up and made into sausages. One year later your will will be read to the news media and people all around the nation will vomit simultaneously.Drown in Your Own UrineDifficulty level: 8Get a huge vat or possibly an above ground pool. Save all your urine. Drown yourself in it. Put a note on the side of the pool saying, "MY URINE."This method would work for any body fluid: vomit, snot, dooty. For you despondent guys out there: A vat of your own sperm would be truly impressive. You would have to work frantically for years, but what else have you got to do? Pop into alt.binaries.erotica and get crackin'.Make a Political StatementDifficulty level: 5The abundance of media outlets these days has afforded a nearly infinite number of ways to relay your message of doom and despair while consequently minimizing the impact. No longer can you be assured a sizable audience for the ranting and pontificating that so often accompany political/ecological/religious movements."Oh, whatever can I do?!" you may be wailing. "The world is coming to an end. Death and despair loom on the horizon. [Insert your hated adversary's name here] is the embodiment of evil. He/she/they/it is/are/will be the antichrist/destruction of us all/black death come to haunt us/etc.""How can I get my cause the attention it deserves?" you ask. The answer is simple: A futile pointless violent act displayed to millions on the evening news. Chop Your Own Head Off While Standing Next to a Major World Leader1. Ingratiate yourself with your chosen mark. Get his/her/its confidence. Become a trusted member of the inner circle. 2. Sew a hand ax into a coat or jacket so that it is easily removable but not particularly visible. 3. Make a statement. Video tape is preferable because the TV news shows love visuals. The more visual material they have the better. The next best thing would be audio tape. It won't hold an audience as well but at least it can be played under the video of your death. Never write a letter. No one reads anymore. No one will care. Make sure your message will be easily found on your corpse. 4. On the day of a major rally, with hundreds or thousands of attendees and lots of television cameras, wear the coat with the hand ax attached. 5. Send backup copies of your message to as many news outlets as you can on the appointed day. 6. Stand in the background as you remove the ax from the coat. When you are finished move slowly toward your dignitary. 7. As the event reaches its climax, whip out the ax and lop off your own head. If possible try to run around like a chicken. Make sure to get as much blood on the famous person as possible. Aim well. That will be the image that gets the news coverage and the sour faces from Cathy Lee Gifford. 8. Bask in your glorious death. You've made the supreme sacrifice to save the world and have ended the torment that was your existence. Assisted SuicideSometimes you need help. Sometimes it takes a committee. Some of the many ways of suicide are just too complicated to do alone. These are perfectly valid routes to bliss and will not taint, in any way, your death.Death by SeinfeldDifficulty level: 9Find a strong burly friend that will help you. Then find Jerry Seinfeld. Have your strong burly friend pick up Seinfeld and beat you to death with him.Later Jerry will make a tv show out of it or maybe it will just end up in his act. "So I said, 'Hey! Who are these people that pick up other people and beat other people to death with them?'"A Pun DeathDifficulty level: 3Take five large steaks. Rub them all over your body and stuff what remains into every pocket and orifice you can find. Tape at least one streak inside your clothing directly to your body. Find one large hungry grizzly bear. Taunt it till it comes to a full boil, attacks, and kills you. Dying this way, at the paws of a grizzly bear, will allow the tabloid newspapers and daily tv news shows to use the headline "Grizzly Death!" repeatedly. Intest You Intest MeDifficulty level: 4 Sometimes you want to do something violent and bloody but you just don't have the wherewithal to assemble a cache of assault weapons. This method is simple and convenient for those on limited budgets. 1. Make a small incision in your stomach. 2. Pull out your intestines. 3. Hang yourself with the intestines. 4. A cryptic note about aliens might be a nice touch. End the Holiday MadnessDifficulty level: 6 Anyone with half a brain hates the Thanksgiving to Christmas season. There is too much family. Too many happy annoying people demanding things from you. Too much forced joy specials on television. And WAY too many repetitions of songs you've been listening to since childhood. Anything Cathy Lee Gifford espouses must, by definition, be evil.The only way to escape this recurring nightmare is to: 1. Stick your head in the turkey just after it comes out of the oven preferably during the Christmas Day™ family gathering but a Thanksgiving Day™ end may also serve your purposes. Your timing really depends on your own peculiar circumstances. 2. Run around banging into family members all the while flailing your arms. You can never go wrong flailing your arms when trying to kill yourself. The more flailing the better. 3. Go into a room that can be easily locked so you won't be accidentally saved by well meaning but inconsiderate friends or family members.[Alternatively you can just flee the house and run through the streets aimlessly until you pass out. NO ONE in a large city will ever go near someone with a steaming turkey on his head. If you live in a wooded or rural area the best thing to do would be to run off into the wilderness so your body can be found with all sorts of gnaw marks on it from the multitude of animals that will flock to your decaying carcass (and the turkey's too).] 4. An interesting footnote to this holiday might be to swallow a large number of Christmas ornaments (lights, small Santa dolls, actual fruit cake) before you follow your bliss. Give your family and friends (if you have either) something to discuss the following year. 


Posted by Ryan:
Paranoia I'd wine you, dine you, then strip u naked, take pictures, then snap your neck and lay you on the ground in front of your house so everyone could see. I'd write "I Jynxed her" across your chest in lipstick. I'm twisted... 


Posted by Ryan:
People=Sh*t I AM FUC(K)ING YOU UP PUNK YOU ARE DEAD 


Posted by Ryan:
People=Sh*t I'd drug slightly, chain you to a chair and force you to watch non-stop n’sync videos, I'd shave your head and force you to look at yourself, then I'd keep you alive for as long as possible while starving you and I'd slowly make small cuts all over you with a dull knife. 


Posted by Ryan:
People=Sh*t I'd glue your mouth shut so you couldn't scream, then slowly remove your organs (no painkillers just so you know), and watch you slowly bleed to death. 


Posted by People=Sh*t:
Actually, I wouldn't doubt it if he went and did some cow tipping just for inspiration. Hey Ryan, did you eat paint chips as a kid?


Posted by Paranoia:
Yeah, I figured that was what he was up to. I imagine he must have taken a break from cow tipping and spent many days in the loft of the farmhouse coming up with that insight. Wouldn't you say?


Posted by cristian arce araya:
slipknot is great, man is cool i am the more biges fan.


Posted by People=Sh*t:
Well, I guess he didn't go to his counselor for that anger problem that he has. ha ha ha. And stupid people like you Ryan can never make me mad, instead I just laugh at how pathetic you are. Hey Paranoia, no wonder why Ryan didn't post for so many days. He spent all that time coming up with these wuss poems. And by the way Ryan, if you were to ever be in my presence, I would shove my 12 gauge double-barrel shotgun down your throat and blow a 3-foot wide hole in your body. Ryan, I want you to grow up and get a life, or else you will end up with 10 wifes. You'll end up hitting them in the face and then I'll come by and beat you in the case. Why must you act like you're two years old, if you don't stop then you will always be told. That you are a stupid, pathetic, high-school drop-out, and all of that is without a shadow of a doubt. Hey look, I can rhyme too.


Posted by Azzy:
You're all mine. mva ha haaaaa


Posted by Paranoia:
I still don't exactly understand how you're going to find us. You do need to be relatively close to get the person you want to kill. Just for future reference.


Posted by Shaun :
ryan shut the hell up you pieca sh*t


Posted by Ryan:
People=Sh*t If i made you angry enough ( i haven't yet) read this i will get a glass bottle and shove it inside you (you know where i mean) and then stamp on it till the glass broke i'm running out of these..... 


Posted by Ryan:
People=Sh*t I'd glue your mouth shut so you couldn't scream, then slowly remove your organs (no painkillers just so you know), and watch you slowly bleed to death. 


Posted by Ryan:
Paranoia I'd find a REALLY big dog and take the leash and wrap it around your neck, then clip it to the dog's collar and release a bunch of cats and chipmunks and birds and watch the dog run after them and choke you to death . HA HA HA


Posted by Paranoia:
Ryan's a poet and he didn't know it! Ha ha ha, look, I can rhyme, too! Jeeesus, you must have waaaay too much time on your hands for that. And by the way...your preaching really scared the living sh*t out of me. So, if you're so bent on killing us all, you probably know where we live, work/go to school, and hang out. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups, that's all I have to say.


Posted by Ryan:
SERIAL KILLER I want to see your body hanging down from a string I want to see your scull crushed like a ming I want you dead, I want you dead I want to see your skeleton in my closet I want to see a mirror with your blood across it I want you dead, I want you dead Were you to know my desperate rage you will put me in a cage There is something to this evening If you're not dead by then I want you half way there I want you dead… I want to see you lose your teeth one by one I want to see your organs drying in the sun I want you dead, I want you dead I want to see your veins strapped around your head I want to have your liver on a piece of bread I want you dead, I want you dead Were they to know my desperate rage They will put me in a cage There is something to this evening I can feel it in the air If you're not dead by then I want you half way there Every day that you survive Becoming hard to stay alive There is something 'bout this moment I can taste it in the air If you're not dead I want you halfway there I want you dead, I want you dead… I want to use your nipples as my coasters I want to see your face on missing posters I want you dead, I want you dead 


Posted by SERIAL KILLER:
IM COMING ROUND YOUR HOUSE BOY, IM GOING TO SLIT YOUR THROAT. F*CK YOUR FAMILY WHILE U BLEED TO DEATH THANXS FOR THE GOOD TIMES. BUT NOW ITS TIMR FOR U TO D*E


Posted by Ryan:
I can play these fukking games too I can be as big an a$$hole as you


Posted by Ryan:
People=Sh*t Bang Bang You're Dead!!!


Posted by Ryan:
Payback i know u morons from way beck


Posted by Ryan:
People=Sh*t and the others when I'm finished, it's gonna be a bloodbath


Posted by Ryan:
Death save the drama for your mamma


Posted by Ryan:
I'mma keep it real For the MORONS I might kill


Posted by Ryan:
orgazman you are a waste of internet space and a twisted cu(n)t


Posted by Ryan:
FOR ALL THE HATERS OUT THERE I'm going to kill you, that's what I'll do. I'm going to take a bullet and put it right through you. I'm going to kill you with a knife, better yet, a dagger will take your life. I'll shut you up and send you to hell where you'll twist in agony, scream and yell. Painful and slow is how your death will be. I'll tear out your bladder and hold it up so you can see. I'll force you to drink a killer potion then send you by sewer into the ocean. I'll play Nero and send you up in a blaze. Or I'll have starving boars chase you through a maze. I'll let wolves in heat rip you apart. and I'll give the devil your still-beating heart. your feet will be swallowed up and chewed eaten by wild baboons hungered for food. Your arms will be used for swatting flies. to the fish I'll throw your mutilated eyes. Your upper body will be cast in the sea and used as a bob. The rest of you will be attacked by a rioting mob. You'll sit and listen to Jimmy Swaggart preach. then be devoured by a blood sucking leech. I'll tie your toes together with a piece of twine then hang you upside down and give you to the vultures to dine. I'll dress you up in clothes made from "The Gap" Then a fierce lightening bolt will give you a Z-A-P. After that, I'll tie you in a chair in a nearby town where you'll be forced to listen to Casy-Cassum's top twenty countdown. Your fingernails will be plucked by an ostrich's beak. Too bad your aching will last for only one week. I'll torture you in so many different ways. To count them all would take a great number of days. But, when I'm finished there will be nothing left of you to see... AND THEN YOU'LL REGRET THE DAY YOU MESSED WITH ME! 


Posted by Ryan:
Death i'd cut off your toenail and scratch ya to death


Posted by Ryan:
Gonzo i would rape you, cut you up, eat you then throw you back up and put you in a jar 


Posted by Ryan:
Death YOU ARE DEAD SLIPKNOT FANS WILL KILL U


Posted by Ryan:
Killers You're Nobody (Til Somebody Kills You) 


Posted by Ryan:
ITS WAR AND YOU ARE ( People=Sh*t) OSAMA BIN LADEN


Posted by JAMES ROOT (YES THE GUITARIST OF SLIPKNOT):
HEY PRIEST KILLER YOU F#CKED UP FAG! PAUL THE BASSIST IS BLACK YOU DUMB RACIST F#CK. IF YOU SAY ANY THING ELSE TO OFFEND PAULS RELATIVES ME AND MICK WILL FIND YOU AND F#CK YOU UP BAD HEAR THAT FAG ? SO SNAP THE F#CK OUT OF IT AND STOP TALKING ABOUT THE HOUSE OF GOD LIKE THAT.


Posted by orgazman:
Priest killer are u related to ryan. HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM RYAN IS THAT U AHHHHHH U DONT HAVE TO HIDE FROM US LOVE THE GAZMAN


Posted by Priest Killer:
Slipknot makes me want to burn the nearest church to the ground and piss on a nigger's face. I want to crucify everybody.--------------------------------------------------THANK YOU SLIPKNOT!


Posted by Plinio:
I´m brazilian and like very much Slipknot. Why you not coming to Brazil (Porto Alegre)? 


Posted by Sofia:
I hadn`t heard you before i got together with my boyfriend, and now I listen to you everyday! Thank you for all the impression i have gotten fro you! I am from Finland. Kisses and hugs!


Posted by Death:
who cares what he said, why the fu`k did he give you his address


 
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