Engel - Absolute Design Review
by Matt Hensch
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Robots are interesting quasi-organisms, and we see them repair or wreck havoc whenever they wish; that is a gift entertainment and futuristic prophecies have brought upon us. However, a handful of these supposed intellects lack special wires that make up the proper functioning aspects, which leaves our robotic friends a little retarded compared to others; in metal terms, Engel is one of those special cases. After a pair of demos that could kill a condor due to their contaminating substance, Sweden's pseudo-sensation released a full-length featuring monotonous instrumentation with industrial influences that will cause a flaming case of Herpes if you don't prepare for the utter garbage it heaves; it is named Absolute Design, and it is anything but absolute. When stacked against artificial intelligence, Absolute Design is like Pixar's WALL-E: annoying, stupid, and completely irrelevant.
Basically, Absolute Design is the enemy of enjoyable metal; it clearly showcases everything true metalheads wish to avoid. Now I must say Marcus Sunesson did wonders shredding for The Crown, but his work here demonstrates a drastic enslavement of skill, as he looks dreadful when emitting senseless grooves that could not make a kid with a neurological disorder move. Sunesson's remaining members enjoy holding hands down a similar road that paves its own nu-metal concrete by materials made of useless percussion, useless bass playing, and minimal variety on all fronts. However, Mangan Klavborn's excels at f*cking up his voice entirely, which can only be understood if you experience his car-alarm screams firsthand. And for unknown reasons, Engel just showers tiny electronics whenever they please, almost like the group has opted toward some stupid alternative in hopes of keeping a song or two away from an impending trip to the trashcan. I guess improvement has occurred, yet I'd definitely prefer a baseball bat jammed up my rectum than experience this sh*t again.
Also, people claim this is Gothenburg. Being a huge fan of classic Gothenburg bands, I cannot ever see how anyone could stick Engel in the particular genre and find them fitting when compared against groups like At The Gates or Dark Tranquility. Case in point, there are no melodic riffs, harmonies, or anything else that lurks within the band's sound; this whole listen is just nu-metal feces smeared across random electronic influences. Absolute Design is like Static-X in bed with Pantera, and last time I checked, that is pretty damn far from Gothenburg's usual genetics. End of discussion.
A lot of folks STILL have the nerve to label this original, and hearing that makes my blood boil; it's like calling Machine Head one of the pioneering bands in heavy metal. How in the world is a collection of groove riffs, industrial plods, whiny screams, and political lyrics considered independent when thousands upon thousands of bands have done the exact same thing infinitely? You see, Absolute Design has gained so much publicity and spotlight not because of its identity, but its lack thereof; people want s***ty metal all appearing like clones, hence Engel's bowel movement performed in 3-D. Factual logic will leave any educated listener dumbfounded by this release's asexual factors, convincing you this flop budded straight from a Disturbed CD with a little touch of Swedish imagery. Truth sandwich
this f*cking hurts.
I might have banged my head once when experiencing Absolute Design, but that was because someone saw my suffering and asked if I was considering suicide. Frankly, this CD could make self-induced death rates in the metal community sky-rocket, or at least lead several individuals to conclude they have wasted their money on flaccid retardation; whichever way you dice it, it flat-out sucks. Call it evolutionary or whatever you wish, but when the day finally ends, this design is absolute like a bipedal missing its legs, rendering it completely useless in the long run. Give Engel's full-length abomination an axe upside the head and let it bleed for all it is worth, and then buy something that doesn't sound like mechanical piss.
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Engel - Absolute Design Rating:1.0
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