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Tom Reynolds'- I Hate Myself and I Want to Die Review

by JoFo

Don'tcha just love discovering a book that is too funny to be read in public, that makes eating or drinking while reading it a sure way to choke & die? What makes the subject matter of this book even better is its importance & truth. This book does so much more than take a thoughtful reader on a tour of the most depressing songs on the planet, an extremely important undertaking in itself. More than just a mere list, this book is a history lesson, going all the way back to barber shop quartets & the halcyon days when it was obvious that the sound engineers were dropping acid by the handful. Reynolds is fulla info on many topics relating to music, and he is quite knowledgeable about actual music, unlike me, who can only kinda fake it. As a result of his instruction, I know stuff that will enable me to keep up this masquerade even longer!

Now I know what the most depressing scale in music is & what song Kirk Hammet used it in order to up the depression quotient of their song that made the list. Now I know that "sing it with a s***ty voice" is only #2 on the list of things an artiste must do in order to gain the attention of music critics. Now I know which song got its lyrics "straight out of the Institute of Warped Metaphors"

I especially appreciate the way he categorized many different singers, in order to help me tell them apart. All singers don't sound like "teamsters with a mouth full of Novocain" as Eddie Vedder does. Some deliver a sound so pained & nasally they sound like they "drop kicked a Steinway", a critical distinction in any market! There are a host of ways to categorize the different singers that sing depressing songs, so these helpful tips along the way helped me all kindsa ways. Important questions are asked and answered on the subject of singers & their sounds, such as which Celine Dion song sounds not only like a deranged killer crashing through a window, but also like Huey helicopter being used on a fox hunt?

This book also provided many answers that will enable me to win every bar bet that ever comes up on the subject. What is the difference, for instance, between a song that's merely sad & a really depressing one? What is the difference between a song that is stark & one that is harrowing, and which is more annoying? What kind of metal do John Tesh fans like? After a few nights of studying this material, I now think I am ready for a final exam.

His treatments of Evanescence's entry on the list & Metallica are so funny that I wish I could quote the entire chapters here. I guess you're going to have to buy the book to read of his development of the "Quantum Tragedy Paradigm" and his revelation of what is actually more depressing than an armless, legless, war veteran with no face that's blind, deaf, and mute. 

Use extreme caution when eating or drinking while reading this book. 
...You have been warned.

Book Info and Links

Tom Reynolds - I Hate Myself and I Want to Die

Publisher: Hyperion Books
Rating: (yes it is that good)

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