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Britney's Krack - Couldn't Care Less Review
By JoFo

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While listening to this CD, 'metalized' covers of pop songs, the same question kept me guessing through it all: who, exactly, is this album designed for? Metal heads might find the music too slow & unmetal for their tastes, while pop fans probably will prefer the original versions. My vote is for sociologists, curious about pop music & too cheap to buy all 8 or 9 thousand pop albums that have been released in the past 5 years. For that purpose, this album perfectly fits the bill, and is wonderfully educational. Every time a song came on that was completely unfamiliar to me, a strange sense of comfort would wash over me. I'll have to do a google search on the 'never heard of 'em' titles & letcha know who originally did 'em, in case you are such a fan of pop stars' ghostwriters that you feel morally obligated purchase everything they've ever written, so as to maximize their income from royalties.

Given that, this CD would make a great litmus test to see how metal your friends are. I figure anyone who hasn't heard songs on here famous enough to be covered & rubbing shoulders with overplayed ditties from the likes of the other Brittney & The Backdoor Boys deserves something nice from Hobo's record label for Christmas as a 'congrats, you're metal' prize. This band covers many songs from the afore mentioned two above, ad infinitum, and the rest of the songs were originally done by, as it turns out, Shakira, Christina, Enrique & interestingly, a Robbie Williams song based on the pop classic, "Enter Sandman" by Poptallica. I found the presence of this song the highlight of the entire CD, as it confirmed what many olde skool Metallica fans have been saying for years: those guys have perfected the art of the sell out & make Gene Simmons look shy & retiring by comparison. Of course a Sucktallica song is on here, it wouldn't be a true CD of 'metalized' pop covers otherwise!

In listening to this CD, many new, unexplored facts presented themselves to me. Did you know that pop lyrics, in spite of being written by "professionals" are smarmy, insipid, utterly devoid of intelligence? Parents that find pop music a lyrically "safe" musical haven for their younglings? oughtta take a look at the lyric book that comes with the CD to see the kind of tripe they are allowing their kids to wallow in. Pop albums across the country should be stickered with warnings about the precipitous drop in SAT scores that may occur from repeated exposure. Another previously unmentioned fact, apparently in the world of professional pop ghost writers, the inability to breathe properly is a theme common to many famous pop songs. What accounts for this strange syndrome is never mentioned, so I suggest that all pop stars' ghostwriters are major paint sniffers, or autoerotic asphyxiation fiends, and do you really want your kids listening to music written by them, just because they may have a Bachelors Degree in poetry?

Another notable feature of pop songs is that they are repetitive & tedious. Did you know that another notable feature of pop songs is that they are repetitive & tedious? As many are learning, another notable feature of pop songs is that they are repetitive & tedious. Industry insiders have kept largely to themselves the truth that another notable feature of pop songs is that they are repetitive & tedious. I learned, from listening to this CD only one time, that another notable feature of pop songs is that they are repetitive & tedious. I don't know how many times, and how many different ways I can say that another notable feature of pop songs is that they are repetitive & tedious, so be warned! I realize this is not much of a CD review, but since only sociologists are reading this review at this point, all I can do is offer them helpful ideas on what to write their dissertations on, a helpful, unadvertised antiMusic feature, A- grade ideas for PhD quality papers, you're welcome!

In case you have persisted in reading this, thinking of getting this baby for your pop loving niece or paint sniffing auto- erotic asphyxiation obsessed next door neighbor & want to know what the CD actually sounds like, I'll try to stay on topic from now on!

There is a cover of a pop-country song on here, by Mrs. Mutt Lang that manages to sound more country than the original. The Backdoor Boys cover, one of them, managed to turn the drippingly soft- rock original into a mid tempo tune, which is a feat worthy of mention & much applause. For many of the songs I recognized, I found the version presented on this CD superior in every way to the originals. However, compared to a real metal CD, this one is pretty lame, more of a funny novelty than anything else. If you like funny novelties, get Weird Al or Miller. If you like funny novelties set to metal, start a band & make this type of music & send Keavin your CD, someone will review it for you, at no cost to you!


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Britney's Krack - Couldn't Care Less

Label:Clive Davis' Bitch
Rating:

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