"Let's Get Dolly": In January (2005) antiMusic readers were introduced
to a colorful writer known as Dolly Doppelganger when her Veridical Polemic
column debuted. That column almost never happened, but Dolly pestered us
until we relented and gave her a chance. The results speak for themselves.
You may not know this but Dolly originally applied for a reviewer position.
Fast forward to mid-January, antiGuy asked me if we had any CDs to review
that have been sitting around for a while. I named a few and he shook his
head and said, "I'll pass, I don't know who you would get to review some
of those!" As those words escaped his lips, the solution came to me, "Let's
get Dolly! She loves everything!" So, I gave Dolly a few CDs to try out
her reviewing skills on and what I got back is classic Dolly. You may not
learn much about the actual CDs, and you will learn far too much about
Dolly's ideas but in the end if you are a Dolly fan you'll love her latest
contributions to antiMusic. If you are looking for regular reviews of these
cds, look somewhere else. Dolly don't play that. - Keavin Wiggins, Editor
After reading Breaking Benjamin's lyrics,
I have decided to enroll in my community's theater program so that I can
do a BB poetry reading at my local dinner theater, in the height of fancy
Their writing style is so complex and interesting
that it is hard- no, impossible- to read them without bursting into laughter
in sheer awe. I wonder how many of their lyrics I can legally copy here
for your pleasure without getting in trouble for plagiarism. Oh well, I'm
gonna risk it! I jes' betcha BB would not dream of chasing me with a nuisance
'don't be a copycat!' lawsuit, given what their new CD sounds like!
Ok, now to get the full impact of these
incredibly deep thoughts, you must read them, then close your eyes reallyreallyfast
and imagine the stomach roiling angst of the author. As you are imagining
this, close your eyes even tighter and try to guess the extremely enigmatic
stimuli that produced such heart-wrenching intensity. Squeeze your eyes
tighter still, till your lids start to collapse into each other and fuse
together in a mangle of eye lashes, blood and eye tissue from the implosion
of your now useless orbs as you marvel at the breathtaking wordsmithery
of the BB staff, hand crafting lyrical dessert for you. BB's album is so
indescribably excellent, that it will literally make you blind.
With the help of my Braille computer, screen
and BB lyric sheet I will attempt to duplicate the brilliance here. Prepare
yourself for the finest example of modern American poetry the world has
ever seen. I might have to cut it short, I have never attempted to write
BB's lyrics before, and I fear the effort might make me insane. Already,
at the mere thought of the overwhelmingness of this daunting privilege,
I feel the onset of menschenfleischpsychose and my ears are ringing. However,
if Brave Breaking Benjamin, B^3 from now on, can soldier on in the face
of all the adversity they write about, I can too, in spite of my shiny
new mental illness that should qualify me for tons of government aid!
Here we go! Song 1:
(PLEASE read these aloud in a sing- songy,
rhymey voice, exactly the way B^3 wrote it or I'll ask Keavin to remove
the lyrics from this really good review and BOY WILL YOU BE SORRY!)
Here we go, "The Diary of Jane: My Pain
at Discovering My Girl's Secret Feelings for John Ashcroft".
I bet after releasing this song, they are
sure to be recruited in the war against terror. This song is designed to
help the populace employ the government- sanctioned method of reading people's
diaries in order to see if enough evidence exists to order a search warrant.
"Try to find out what makes you tick,
As I lie down, sore and sick."
An interesting B^3 trivia for you, this
song has the highest recorded cliché to non cliché ratio
in lyrics I've seen yet, making it massively outstanding all over again!
"Breath" is noteworthy for its complex
use of abstract thought. Read this English major- quality rhyme and learn
how the pros do it. This one is so intricate, requiring so much critical
thinking, that I've helpfully added emphasis in parentheses for us lesser
"I see nothing in your eyes;
the more (nothing) I see, the less (nothing)
more nothing….less nothing….more nothing….Hey!
That reminds me of a cult that needs a mantra! Have I got great news for
them! I bet B^3 will sell them those phrases cheap!
"Dance with the Devil and See if He'll
Give me a Lap Dance While He's at It"
This song was so good, it reminded me of
the Batman movie that stole this line back in the mid nineties when B^3
was in grade school learning how to make their cursive P's. I am so glad
they got revenge by taking back what is theirs!
Awwww, the deeply tragic song called "Here
we Are" typifies what's wrong with printing lyrics in the booklet that
comes with the CD:
"I can't erase the stupid things I say"
My stars, Ben, neither can I!
Well I can't take anymore, the pain is
palpable, it is making me feel strangled and suffocated, and my left arm
is going numb. Have you ever felt such torture after reading such complicated
sentiments? To be able to transfer their pathos in such a perfect rhyming
pattern is absolutely incredible. I can't wait till this Friday! I'm up
for reading after the Dr. Seuss guy!!
Woah! I thought I was done with my review,
but wow, how could I forget the most important part of the CD? Their attention-
demanding sound! My favorite 'talent distinguisher' is a band's ability
to perfectly mimic other bands' sounds. After all, when animals in the
wild do this, it saves their lives! How many times have you refused to
eat a harmless black and orange viceroy butterfly, because you feared it
was his look-alike cousin, the distasteful and deadly monarch butterfly?
When bands do this, it shows extreme adaptation of the highest order, cuz
it's people trying to put food on the table, not stupid irrelevant butterflies
fighting for survival. Well, if you like butterflies and moths with the
great big eyes on their butts to fool the owls, oh how you'll love B^3!
How they managed to sound like a band that sounds like everyone else shows
their extreme, blinding talent. Three Days Grace is prolly cashing the
royalty checks mailed to them by BB's record company by mistake, as I write
Ah, this CD is so exceptional I have completely
exhausted my adjective bank. Please buy this album and buy it and buy it.
CD Info and Links
Breaking Benjamin - Phobia
and Purchase This CD Online
the official homepage
articles for this artist
a friend about this review