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Ashley Parker Angel - Soundtrack To Your Life Review

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Well I can say that anyone who calls this WONDERFUL release by Ashley Parker Angel "Gay", "Demented", "Suckish", "What's wrong with this world?!?", "Did the record company execs listen to this guy before they signed him?", "Pure musical Sewage", "The only CD known to cause physical pain in hearers" or any other derogatory remarks BETTER SHUT UP! To even think anything like that makes as much sense as System of a Down nodding their lyrical approval to the anti-commie Tiananmen Square Protestors!

This is absolutely the best CD antiMusic has ever gotten! Now you know the reason our editor didn't print a Day in Rock story that day- he was too awed by the sheer musical beautifulliliousnessification of the brilliant musical geniuses behind APA & he couldn't bear to drag himself to the computer, struck into catatonia by the noise gurgling out of his speakers LIKE A SHOWER OF GOLD PELTING HIM WITH DIAMONDS. (BTW K, according to the free dictionary I rely on for most of my "facts", you better see a doc about that catatonia. See? "cat·a·to·ni·a Pronunciation (kt-tn-) n. An abnormal condition variously characterized by stupor, stereotypy, mania, and either rigidity or extreme flexibility of the limbs. It is most often associated with schizophrenia." What an educational CD review, huh? Even free medical advice! I'm tellin' ya, you should charge people for the fine services you & antiMusic have to offer!!)

OK, the first track was all I needed to feel complete...no wait! The title of this CD did it for me! It is called: "Soundtrack to YOUR life!"

WOW! How's that for unpretentious & unassuming?!?! YES! I have literally been scouring various flea markets, hoping to find a CD with a song on it about letting someone go, a song about recovering from an illness, a title track, a song about feeling so alive, a song about crazy beautiful, a song about....ya see what I mean!?! No need to go on- this CD exemplifies PERFECTION in its purest form! It's like having my own private stalkers that made me a personalized CD after they listened to my needs, watched me in my house, followed me as I drove, bought what I bought in the store, slapped a GPS onto my car to monitor my travels more closely, etc! Wonderful!

OK, now back to the most desirable & attractive first song ever in the history of first songs. Y'know that song that I love, that is always on different radio stations & it's always background music for those really cool commercials for zit cream & sometimes it?s even on TV shows I LOVE! Like the time I heard it while I was watching my ALL TIME favorite TV show of ALL TIME, "The Young Attractive Teens With Plenty of Money & Absentee Parents & Interesting "Problems" that Never Imitate Real Life Problems, Like My Embarrassing Dad & How He Scratches Himself & Belches & Says 'That Was a Good One!' When My Friends Come Over" Yeah! That one song that is so familiar, (because it's SO popular!) yet I can never remember what it is when I am buying my music from the MTV Top Ten site. Well GUESS WHAT! My new BFF, the loverly APA, the only man I've ever really wanted to designate an honorary girl (I'm going to send my crack team of on- call surgeons to his house to finish the job as a surprise for him this weekend, I think. Shhh! Don't tell him!!) OK, anyway, yeah, this first song sounds exactly like that! I listened to it, and literally, I thought I was dead, it was THAT GREAT!!!! That has NEVER happened to me before, ever! In the history of my entire life!!

OK! Onto the second song! Wait....Oh man, I am just SO unworthy to listen to the rest of this CD- I have to listen to music of lesser quality while I write my review of Asshat Isosceles Angle. Hmmm, how 'bout Aerosmith- since clearly Asshat writes music for people WAY more sophisticated than me, who accessorize better than me...whose hair is naturally shinier, bouncier & holds a curl WAY better than mine...who always know what wine to pick based on not only meat, but season, time of day and status of the local elections...who always remember who not to seat next to who at their flawlessly executed banquets for hundreds of people, including dignitaries & heads of state....who can always pick paintings that perfectly match their furniture....who never forget to feed their tadpoles?.I SUCK! WHY DON'T I JUST DIE! WHY DOES KEAVIN TRUST ME TO REVIEW ANYTHING!?!?!?!

I'm sorry; I am so overcome with emotion that I just can't write this review! This music is NOT for peons or slobs, LIKE ME!!! So buy it as if it were $4 gallon fuel you vehicle, purchase it with anger & intensity & NEVER remove it from its protective wrapper! Just set it on a shelf in your house & light candles next to it 5 times a day, DO NOT place the candles too near the wrapper, if you accidentally set fire to this CD, ASSHAT & I will HUNT YOU DOWN AND SET FIRE TO YOUR PLAYGROUND!!!!!!! (If I haven't committed suicide by then, that is).


CD Info and Links

Ashley Parker Angel - Soundtrack To Your Life

Label:Universal
Rating:

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About "Let's Get Dolly": In January (2005) antiMusic readers were introduced to a colorful writer known as Dolly Doppelganger when her Veridical Polemic column debuted. That column almost never happened, but Dolly pestered us until we relented and gave her a chance. The results speak for themselves. You may not know this but Dolly originally applied for a reviewer position. Fast forward to mid-January, antiGuy asked me if we had any CDs to review that have been sitting around for a while.  I named a few and he shook his head and said, "I'll pass, I don't know who you would get to review some of those!" As those words escaped his lips, the solution came to me, "Let's get Dolly! She loves everything!" So, I gave Dolly a few CDs to try out her reviewing skills on and what I got back is classic Dolly. You may not learn much about the actual CDs, and you will learn far too much about Dolly's ideas but in the end if you are a Dolly fan you'll love her latest contributions to antiMusic. If you are looking for regular reviews of these cds, look somewhere else. Dolly don't play that. - Keavin Wiggins, Editor antiMusic.com


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