THE
LATEST PRIMUS BIO
From
your pal Bob C Cock
In
troubled times it has always been a characteristic of mankind to embrace
its insightful entertainers. Be it the beacon of the words of Woody Guthrie
guiding the poor farm worker through the darkness of depression, the optimism
of Britans Vera Lynn during World War II or even the frankness of Country
Joe McDonald in the turbulent late sixties, all have been there, offering
words of encouragement and support during moments of confusion and uncertainty.
So,
it comes as no suprise that in these times of eminent alien invasion from
outer space that one group shines through. That group is Primus, and there
latest effort, the Brown album is sure to serve as a hub of musical strength
for the coming millennium.
What
makes Primus tick you ask? That very question has baffled the most learned
scholars of this century. For Primus is an enigma.
It
is of course public knowledge that the mulit talented guitarist Larry La
Londe was raised by camels in the vast landscapes of northern Africa, and
that he speaks to the other band members with guttural hacks and sputters,
but what many dont know is that Ler (named after a homoerotic camel mating
ritual ) has recently learned to speak. His vocabulary consitis of two
words: egg and spoon, and this year, the band is happy to formally announce,
Ler will debut his third word yarn.
Much
has been written about Les Claypool, the figurehead of Primus. This talented,
dark, brooding man has towered over the Primus camp since its inception
in the early eighties. His quiet nature is often at odds with the manic
pace of the contemporary rock scene. Claypool, a gifted poet, has been
quoted as saying that hed rather be gently sipping a rare chardonay while
enjoying the feeling of his new silk underpants than undergoing the harsh
routines of a rock star. But he is also a realist, and like Melvils Captain
Ahab he is known to tyrannicaly drive his crew to the breaking point.
Says
Claypool There is nothing like the feeling of watching one your crew persons
undergoing extreme discomfort and consternation. It is quite liberating
actually, and the humiliation is never complete until I force the poor,
wretched target of my wrath to clip my toenails in the presence of the
whole band.
Brian
Brain Mantia, the latest addition to the Primus line-up was a gifted,
classically trained pianist until a tragic boor hunting accident in the
eighties. After the mishap Brain turned inward and develpopted a deep love
for the smell of carp. After winning the much heralded Find the Golden
Drum Head Contest he was admitted into Primus.
Says
Brain People told me is was a really great opportunity and all, but I
have to say its kinda weird. The first rehearsal this Claypool guy was
in my face screaming about how I had to be properly initiated and disciplined
while Ler,or as I call him Camel Boy was just crouching in the corner
and grunting and yelling the word yarn at anyone who would come in a 20
foot radius of him. So I just try to stick to myself mostly, and I still
havent been paid
Call
it fate, call it gods mysterious workings, but it is obvious that some
higher power has brought together these three wondrous souls. Together
they have created the Brown Album (named after the color brown). These
hard edge, up tempo recordings should be a blessing to any Primus fan who
longs for the creative, unique pumping of Les bass, the strange melodious
phrasing of Lers guitar work and the hard pounding drumming of Brain.
Recorded
using analog equipment at Less Northern California entertainment compound
Rancho Relaxo, the album presents the listener with a rich auditory experience.
From the breakneck pumping of Camelback Cinema to the overtly catchy Over
The Falls the fifteen songs that are The Brown Album delivers the eschewed
world of Primus with a vengeance.
So
now you know just a little more about the secret world of Primus.
Now you can tuck your little ones in snug and tight and be restively assured
that the entire fate of mankind is in good hands. For when the hostile
aliens invade our sacred mother earth in the coming millennium we now can
call on Primus.
Yes
Primus! Those models of truth, decency and above average dental work.
Primus,
three soldiers in a wasteland of alterna-angst rock music. Primus!
Champions of the downtrodden, lovers of the lonely and tasters of smelly
cheese.
This
is Bob C Cock signing off until next time and remember if any of this invasion
crud does happen just stay the hell off my property!
